damn

I totally forgot about this thing. I seriously need to update.  In the meantime…

still looking for a muse

So I’ve been MIA for a while. In a nutshell, I’ve had stomach issues for the past 3 1/2 months, felt unmotivated and wished death upon myself. Not really, but digestive problems are the worst. Especially when you’re 23 (I’m a baby, I know). And especially when they’re chronic.

Anyway, a lot’s happened since I last posted:

1. The Obama presidency is underway. So far the only thing that’s impressed me is Joe Biden’s knack for the inappropriate. Thank you, Bush Jr (the III?). My fears of talk show hosts running out of material have officially been quelled.

2. I’ve discovered Twitter. Well, I didn’t really discover it — it’s been around for a while. OK, bad joke. But yeah, here it is if you want to follow it: http://twitter.com/GeoffreyA

3.A lot of other things have happened — some crazy lady gave birth to 8 babies, Chris Brown did a Chris Brown on Rihanna, a chimp mauled somebody — but I’m in no hurry to talk about such trivial matters. Yawn.

I won’t be updating every day but definitely a few times a week — I have a busy schedule (you know, stuff). Anyway, check out these ridiculous videos to hold you over until this newly-diagnosed IBS sufferer updates this thing again. See ya soon.

world’s greatest news source…

Crazy week. Been exhausted most of it. Will write tomorrow. Got a lot to write about, too, including an embarrassing moment at Publix today among other trivial things (e.g.  this election that just passed.).

madder than a wet hen

Just a friendly reminder (as opposed to an unfriendly one): If you haven’t done so already, remember to set your clocks back one hour. You know, the whole “fall backwards, spring forward” thing — the time for saving daylight is officially over. Mission accomplished.

—–

1. My Halloween was eventful. I went to the Grove, got patted down by one of those sexy cops (good to see law enforcement doing its job), barhopped, took random incriminating photos that will no doubt end up on Facebook and subsequently blacked out. What a great night.

Yep, I tend to have very lively dreams. The above paragraph is proof.

In reality, I ended up falling sleep around 10 p.m. Friday because I was too tired from work and ended up waking up at 5 a.m.  — my “take a quick nap before heading out for the party” plan failed miserably. And upon waking up, I noticed I had received 20+ texts from friends including my personal favorite, “You coming as a fiji with a camcorder?”

2. While we’re on that topic, I was informed on Friday that all The Beacon (FIU’s college paper) issues had gone missing; the newstands across campus were, for the most part, empty. Of course, this didn’t surprise me — newspapers being stolen for publishing controversial stories happened a lot when I was a student there.

I started thinking about what was published in Friday’s issue: Could this story in support of a satanic holiday have infuriated someone enough to the point that he or she took several hundred issues off stands? Nah. I have a feeling it was this story about Bang Bros. filming a pornographic film on campus. Just a hunch.

3. I need a Black Friday Buddy. Each year on the day after Thanksgiving, I gleefully go to several stores (typically clothing and electronics stores), mindlessly spend hundreds of dollars that I don’t have and deeply regret all my purchases at the end of the day. So I would like to know if someone (or severalones) would be interested in exploring that range of emotions with me on that day. Let me know.

4. Not everyone had a nice Halloween. You need to watch this video of a person who only gave treats to McCain supporters. I have officially lost all hope in mankind for the 277th time.

i must have read a thousand faces

Shame they broke up:

Update coming later. Busy as hell until the afternoon.

smile, you’re on candid camera (or in this case, bang bros.)

So I have a few things that I want to talk about:

1. The hits keep coming from search engines — people are still looking for “fiji bang bros,” “fiu sex video” and the like. There was one search term that really stood out, though: I got one hit for “2008 fiu sex video.” I’m still trying to figure out why someone would put the year when searching for this film. Perhaps this is an annual thing? Based on this year’s, ahem, flaccid performance, however, I hope this is the last one.

Editor’s Note: If you have no idea what the above is about, check out my previous posts or read this article from the college paper. This is the last time I’ll mention it — I don’t want to beat a dead horse.

2. An update on last night’s vandalism notice.  Thankfully, I woke up to find my car in its usual condition: dirty (and with windows intact!). Nevertheless, the thieves have a sense of humor — someone stole the notices.

And, if you’re wondering, my Nerf Big Bad Bow (love that name) is lying cozily next to my nunchucks.

3. I have no idea what I’m doing tomorrow night for Halloween. I got invited to a dorm party, a house party, Transit Lounge, the Grove and some other places. I really don’t know what to choose, though. I do know one thing: I am going out, if only to see the cool aka provocative costumes out there. So it’s either go out or stay home and watch the fiji video…again.

——

I would keep on writing, but I’m pretty exhausted. Have a wonderful evening.

/tires

As I got home tonight, I saw an interesting notice at the entrance of my apartment building:

“Please do not leave any valuables in your car because vandals are breaking windows and taking your shit.”

OK, it wasn’t that blunt, but you get the gist of it. Anyway, today’s notice pretty much sealed my decision to buy a weapon for self defense.

At first I got the idea of buying something in January, when a tenant had his throat slit on the 2nd floor of my building. Actually, no, I’m wrong. The idea started coming together when my neighbor threw herself out of her apartment window last year, snapping her neck upon impact several stories down.

No, wait. Sorry, my memory’s shot. I can’t believe I forgot the incident two weeks ago, where a tenant’s estranged husband threw a brick through nearly every window of her car, keyed each side of it and untwisted the gas cap in an attempt to stick in a match and blow everything up. Good times.

The majority of my neighbors are crazy. I need to move — immediately. I can’t do so, however, until the lease is up early next year. Until then, all I can do is upgrade the baseball bat under my bed to something more…effective. I have finally picked my firearm of choice after much thought (three seconds):

Nerf’s Big Bad Bow

No, I didn’t pick this solely for the fear its name instills in the hearts of millions. Instead, I just figured the perpetrator would be too busy laughing at me to notice the knife coming for his face. Bitch.

——————-

But yeah, I’m seriously starting to get worried. I’m hoping that when I wake up tomorrow, there isn’t broken glass everywhere. Otherwise, someone’s getting hit with a foam arrow.

you guys are sick

So I was looking at the stats page on my blog when I made the following realization: I have very horny readers.

You see, before I wrote about the fiu sex tape, all of my hits came from Facebook, where I promoted my blog. Today, I found out that a couple of my hits came directly from search engines. So what were people looking up on google?

fiji bangbros	5
fiji bang bros	4
fiu bang bros	3
fiji fiu bang bros	2
fijis bang bros	2
bang bros fiji	1
bangbros fiu	1
bang bros at fiu	1
fiji fiu bangbros	1
fiji sex video fiu	1

There you have it. I feel pretty damn proud. Actually, I think I feel more dirty than proud. I have only one thing to say to you: Go wash your hands.

c’est la vie (translation: lunchtime)

This morning, I had a rather interesting train ride:

1) I have a stalker (again). And the stalker is not cute (again). I’m still waiting for a supermodel to follow me around. I’ve pretty much accepted that something like that is very unlikely to happen in this lifetime.

2) There are certain subjects that should never be spoken about in public places. Your herpes outbreak is one of them. Please wait until you get OFF the train before discussing your Valtrex schedule. Thank you.

————————————————

My unit’s lone toilet is broken (not my fault — I swear). Luckily, I found out before the fact. Being a guy has its advantages, such as the ability to urinate on nearby objects on command. This includes trees, your neighbor’s car and cute puppies.

Anyway, time for a walk. Check back tonight for another update. I’ll probably hear some other interesting conversations on the way home.

Saw this on HuffPost

I’m speechless.